Ever sense max left me its like i can't stand up in the morning. I know i haven't had a cigarette daily like i usually do and that probably has something to do with my moodiness, but honestly this crushing feeling isn't something i can ignore anymore. Something obviously needs to change and i can't wait around for other people to change it for me. Just because other people are so so so so temporary. I never understood that until recently.
So I'm thinking religion? I hear a ton of people find peace of mind through religion. Ive already stuck my nose into the buddhist philosophy. Ive found it to make the most sense to me and even helps me look past issues i never thought i could. The idea of expanding your consciousness during meditation is maybe something i think i could use to find a light sat the end of this dark ass tunnel.
I need to spend time on this, but of course i have other daily concerns. I have to put in study work everyday. I have to finish drivers ed before i run out of time (its an online course so they only give you a certain amount of time to do it) I already have my permit but the course still needs to be finished so I'm trying my best to drive everyday but I've only drove twice and I'm not the good. Those are whats supposed to be top priority, Then studying up on meditation and practicing yoga everyday. I mean now that I've written this down these things seem totally doable. Now imagine trying to get anything done while fighting depression. Its fucking impossible. I need a new method. My life needs to change fast.
If every morning i could wake up do a couple of yoga poses and drink my coffee while reading a chapter of my book on meditation id have two things out of the way i know id already feel better. get some driving time in then go home and study. with the time have left i can practice meditation and finish painting my room. WHAT THE FUCK IS STOPPING ME FROM DOING THIS???? I FEEL LIKE THERES SOMETHING IN MY WAY BUT I KNOW THAT THERES NOT. fuck my social life today. i need today to myself see how this workout.
No comments:
Post a Comment