doesn't matter. the sun could drop out of the sky and what would it really matter. Tonight I'm in a weird place. Gus (the sexy 19 year old) ignored my text to meet up tonight. Not surprised but still wasn't expecting it because things with us we're going really well. Last time I saw him we swung on his hammocks smoked a blunt tałked and fucked. I must have taken bars that day or something because I can't recall our sex at all I do know he didn't cum but he still enjoyed it. He never cums. I'm just getting comfortable giving blow jobs again. I Stopped for a while because I didn't think I could do it right. anyway somehow im home freaking out bc I let it slip to Gus my real age. I'm pretty sure I could hear it change everything because oh yeah an hour ago you were sitting up in a hammock asking me on a real date now your not even kissing me goodbye. haven't seen him since.
But wait before I get to Brian I have aboyfriend. Robbie I honestly don't know if that's what he likes to be called I barley know this kid. he's deffinetly short but I think not shorter then me which is a miracle. Still in highschool too which is why I asked my mom to meet him say let me go on a date with him? I don't know what I hope to gain from this but it's certainly not a long term relationship with this boy. It's mostly me trying to prove a point of change. the only thing that makes me feel good about my self is independence . ok I'm done talking I keep rambling because after I fucked Brian I laid but the pool and smoked a joint its 5:41am and I feel more i control of my life.
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